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Remember the day this child was born.

March 28, 2013

 

An offering to
parents, copied with permission from Linda Dixon.  May we
all “remember the day this child was born”, and celebrate their
being.

As a mother, who has had
the experience of receiving a phone call from a woman, asking for
my daughter’s hand in marriage, I feel qualified to speak on the
issue of marriage equality. Is this not the very thing which
strikes terror into the hearts of parents who have tried to raise
their children right? Isn’t it our reward, to be mother of the
bride, as a lovely daughter glides down the aisle toward the man of
my/her dreams?

Image

 

 As
a gay marriage survivor, I feel it is my duty to help others
negotiate the harrowing ordeal. Therefore, I have taken the liberty
to write a small handbook on the subject.  There is much
more I could say, but here are the ten essential
steps.

 

1. First,
allow yourself to remember the day this child was born. Recall the
wonder of gazing into the eyes of a tiny, precious new life and
feel the sense of awe at the depth of love you experienced.
 Remember your vow to nurture this tiny person, who came
from you but is not a replica of
you. 

 

2.
Immerse yourself in the memory of learning who this child is and
noting how that unique personality was there from the beginning,
just waiting to be discovered.  Wrap yourself up in that
blanket of parental protection – the one you used to swaddle your
child’s sense of self and protect her from those who would try to
squelch her
dreams.

 

3. Reaffirm
to yourself and anyone who will listen, that this is still your
primary responsibility as a
parent.

 

4. Listen to
your adult son or daughter.   Ask what they love about
their beloved and look to see if they are truly
happy.

 

5. Observe
how they are treated by their partner or fiancé.   Ask
yourself if you would approve of this person, had she been born of
the opposite gender? If the answer is
yes…

 

6. Celebrate!
 Treat your future daughter/son-in-law as you would like
to be
treated. 

 

7.
Remember that all you ever wanted was for this person to be happy
and to feel loved and cherished.  Know that your fondest
wish has been fulfilled.  Thank
God!

 

8. If you are
unable to share in your daughter/son’s joy, take responsibility for
the problem.  Review your life and try to figure out where
you went wrong.  Get help if you cannot resolve this on
your own.

 

9. Forgive
yourself.  Rejection of your own child is a very serious,
but treatable illness.  If you find yourself in this
predicament, make it your goal to heal yourself before the wedding.
 Repeat steps 1-5 as many times as it
takes.

 

10. Go to the
wedding and toast the happy couple with love and sincerity.
 Welcome your child’s husband/wife into your family and
live happily ever
after.

Thanks Linda, for
giving voice to a parent’s heart and a child’s
happiness.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Julie permalink
    March 28, 2013 8:48 am

    Thank you so much for posting this. It’s been about 16 years since my daughter told me she was gay. At first I was terrified, afraid for her, and for her future. Now I see that this is truly who she is, and that it would be unnatural for her to live a heterosexual lifestyle, I am very happy that she is who she is. People still don’t always treat her fairly, and, yes, there are many times I want to “knock some sense” into those people!!!!! However, I just have to pray for God’s umbrella of protection around her, pray that God will guard my lips so that I won’t sin against Him with my words, and pray that these people will understand that this lifestyle IS NOT a choice my daughter ever would have made for herself. There’s enough violence, heartache, and hate in this world. If your child finds their life partner, and that partner happens to be the same sex…….just be happy for them! Love and embrace your new daughter or son-in-law, and be grateful to God for sending someone to make your child’s life complete!

    • May 7, 2016 5:30 pm

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Julie. What a wonderful gift of love and acceptance to your daughter. It takes courage and grace to allow yourself to be stretched outside your comfort zone for growth.

  2. May 6, 2016 7:26 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this! I do not have the support from my mother that I wish I had, and desperately need, because my mother is too caught up in her religious insistence that I’m going to hell because I love a woman.

    • May 7, 2016 5:26 pm

      Thank you for your courage in commenting, Linda. I am sorry that your mother isn’t able to accept you in the way you deserve. I hope she will find her way to understanding. I hope you find yourself surrounded by a loving community that will be family to you on your journey.

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